April 22, 2015

About All of Those Lists We Constantly See Nowadays…

You know the lists I'm talking about. Those "10 things not to say to a mom with a child with autism." Or, "8 things never to feed your child with… insert malady here…" I'm sick of them.

Just because one mom takes issue with something and creates a list on her blog, suddenly everyone who falters in conversation is made to feel like they've committed some terrible offense. That's not the world I want to live in — and it's certainly not the world I want my son growing up in.

My child is autistic. I am not offended by the word. I do not find it derogatory.

I refuse to walk around with a chip on my shoulder, waiting for someone to say the wrong thing so I can correct them. People mean well. Most are genuinely trying to connect, to understand, to offer kindness. When we meet that with a list of rules, we push people away instead of inviting them in.

Acceptance goes both ways. If we want society to accept our children as they are, we have to extend some grace to the people who are still learning. That doesn't mean we ignore real ignorance or cruelty — but a well-meaning question or an awkward comment isn't an attack. It's an opening.

I'd rather spend my energy advocating for my son than policing the language of everyone around me. He is autistic, and I say that proudly — not as a tragedy, but as a fact of who he is. The more we model that kind of confidence, the more the world will follow.